I just have to do a post simply to say to each and every one of you, THANK YOU!
I almost burst out in tears reading all the responses I get from you all.. I feel so honoured that I can be some form of help.. This is what I vowed when I went to go for my reversal after discovering what PTLS was... That I would keep reaching out to women all around the world.. Letting them know they aren't alone.. Letting them know they aren't 'going crazy'..
I am full of emotion as I type this actually because I am so moved by the courage PTLS women have..
If you suffer with PTLS whether you have known for a while or just discovered, here is what I want you to know right now.. (From my own words & experience)..
I Understand...
You were once a lot stronger than you are right now. I understand. You were so much more active, bubbly, predictable with a higher zest for life.. You may have had some troubled times in life but what on earth is all this trouble stacking up on top and inside you like unwashed dishes? Why you? .. I understand..
You find yourself now sitting with a friendly familiar face and watching that persons face change to something else.. While you rattle off all the unbearable things going wrong with your body, your mind and your life.. You realise that familiar face just don't seem to familiar any more and feel so alone..
I understand you feel like a raging hypochondriac.. A woman who has her own body mould in the chair at the Dr's surgery.. Possibly seen more specialists than you could remember.. The silent tears you cry when your strength breaks in the still of the night that you just don't want to wake up another day feeling like this 'monster'..
Just the same as the Dr's results that claim "I'm sorry but the tests come back 'normal' so how about you try this anti-depressant now?" I understand..
I understand how life feels like the light is caving in to doom and despair.. I understand because I have been there..
I understand how maybe you never felt you looked good enough and now you find you certainly have a reason to feel disgusted in your reflection.. What happened to you? You look aged, baggy, pale.. sick.
I understand all this.. As well as the reflection, there is what you feel that you can't see.. That pain and discomfort surely would make a grown burly man fall to his knees and weep..
Maybe it's age.. like a few of your friends suggested? Or maybe those women chattering about how child birth does this kind of stuff to a woman were right? Or were they? The insanity you go through wondering.. I understand.
Will you ever have the doting eyes you had for your partner/husband again, or is this just 'what happens' as the relationship goes on..?
Is the rope you are dangling on to going to stretch any further?? Because frankly it is feeling so weak and what on earth is this word 'strength'?? You are sinking in the sand... I understand..
So now that you know you are not alone, the tears drain out of you.. You want to show all them bastards that you are NOT CRAZY! You want to take this blog to your bedside table so you know it is not a dream.. You want action immediately..! This is everything you have needed to find and read!!
But wait............................!!
How do you know if the reversal will really work? What if it don't? The Dr's are going to think you have really, truly 'lost the plot' now!!
Your anxiety rises just thinking of these things!!
PLEASE SWEETHEART............. Take a deep breath... Another.... Have a sip of water.. It is ok, I understand.. Because this was once a lot like me..~Written By N.P.Smith 2014.
I knew in my heart God led me to it and I had nothing to lose.. I went right ahead with my reversal and I am now PTLS free.. Was the recovery a fairytale? No. It was patience. But I will tell you that I knew it had worked the moment I opened my eyes after reversal surgery. I knew I was a "woman" again!
Not this raging woman-man-monster-losing-my-mind!
I can't describe that feeling to you.. But If you know yourself well enough to have found that you have this horrible condition called Post Tubal Ligation Syndrome, you will certainly experience the immense enjoyment of welcoming yourself back when a reversal takes place..
Stay strong! Pray! You are not alone.. You can read through this entire blog to read my full story.. You can join my FACEBOOK Page... It is hard to answer everyone individually on this blog but I find a lot more success with private messages on the Facebook Page.. Every one of you struggling or overcoming is strength! Never forget that..
P.s. I am going in leaps and bounds, but I will save that for next time :-)
